Boy:     Calls 911 Hello? I need your help.
911:     Ok, calm down, what is it?
Boy:     Two girls are fighting over me!
911:     So what's your emergency?
Boy:     The ugly one's winning!!!

Noah brought in the animals into the ark in pairs
(read pears) except for worms who came in apples.
Q:        Who was the most sick person in the bible?
A:        Moses because he was given two stone tablets by God.
Q:        Why did the picture go to jail?
A:        It was framed.
Q:        How do you make holy water?
A:        Boil the hell out of it.
Q:        What do you call an American bee?
A:         USB
A:         Why don't skeletons fight each other?
Q:        They don't have the guts.
Q:        A poultry farmer keeps chicken. He gets an average
             of 48 eggs per day from his 12 cocks.
             How many does each lay?
A:        Cocks don't lay eggs.
Q:        Who didn't have a father in the bible?
A:         Joshua was the son of
             Nun (read none)